you shall know our velocity and i feel like a dumb girl

i've reached a point where i can't hardly stand being at school, or maybe just this school, anymore. maybe i'm just having a bad week, but i feel like i hate this place. not really the people tho, as individuals, i like most everyone, i don't hate anyone here at all, but as a large group of people, they (we?) get weird. i can't express what bible college is like, but it's not the greatest thing. so i'm tired of all this. i wish i could hang out with all my salem friends and be in salem, but still have all my friends from school around too.
i love jin-jin's. it's the best food in the world. we go every tuesday. today, however, no one wanted to go. and my car is broke. and chris delaney, who did want to go, doesn't have a car either. that was the final straw. i was fucking pissed as shit. it's such a small thing. but that on top of all my feeling about not wanting-so-much to be here, i got in that weird mood where i'm both mad and sad at once. i just wanted to get away or give up. and i never have a moment alone. my roommate (who i like very much as a person and a roommate) never leaves the room. i'm never alone without being in public. i just wanted to lay in bed and blast broken social scene or something, but this was not an option. and i don't have a car, so i couldn't (easily) go to a cafe or something. i watched planet earth for a while, but people kept talking to me (jerks), so it became clear that i need to take the max to powells to buy a book - a deep spiritual journey - i have a giftcard. so i did. i was in a friends room a few days ago and saw "you shall know our velocity" by dave eggers, who wrote "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius", and i love his titles, so i got that one. i love being able to just read a story and feel like i'm not here at all.
i also noticed that when i read a lot of narrative, i start thinking in narrative. i describe everything going on in my mind as tho it was a novel ("i paused here not sure about what to write next and just watched my fingers punch the keys as the thoughts spewed from my mind as uninhibited and epic as a volcano erupting"), do you see what i mean?

five weeks left of school and then summer. and beer. i'm 21 now. i haven't broken contract at school and i wanted to smoke like non-other all day today. it's been a bad past few days, i'm moody as hell and i hate it, i feel like a dumb girl. i haven't been in salem for the longest stretch of time since before winter break, and i miss it.