Tuesday, October 30, 2007

movement

nothing is still. it's amazing to me that everything that is, is moving. our cells or atoms or whatevers are bouncing off the walls, like my mind in my 4 hour class or my leg when i sit too long. at the start of this past summer i wanted to stay in salem for a year, but i didn't, and i can't imagine wanting to be there, while it's a place i love, it's not what i want right now. maybe later. when that would be progression. i feel like life is a river. movement. and a river can move forward, can be healthy, can be swift and deep, with direction and a purpose, or in contrast to that, it can be still, flooding where it should not be flooding, not moving in any direction in particular, but just kind of floating along. i see people i know that are like both. sometimes i wonder which i am. i know that i go back and forth, but over all i feel like i have direction, however, most of me just wants to take the easy way and flood, but you and i where not made for this.

i feel like i'm watching people drowned and they have no idea.

i am ashamed by my shortcomings, by my failures.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

kings are done

don't drink coffee, and then a huge soda right before you want to go to bed. it would have been so nice to fall asleep before midnight.

i finished my outline of kings today. it was by far the hardest single school assignment i've ever done in my life. i learned a lot tho. i feel like i'll always know the book of kings pretty dang well. note to self, don't be like jeroboam or ahab, be like david and josiah. i find it interesting that my friend josiah stumbo is just like josiah king of judah. the story is found in 2nd kings 22-23, if you know him, read it.
okay i'm just gonna bullet point a few sweet lessons i learned
1) solomon's wealth was in direct condradiction to the torah
2) the kings main downfall, the sin that they are always being rebuked by the prophets for is idolitry. josiah is the first king, and the is like third to the last king before the exile, to actually remove all the places of worship from Judah. and here's where i see a corilation to my own life, even the good kings in the book of kings don't tear down all the places of worship for false gods, they never go all the ways in removing temptation, even if they themselves don't fall into that sin. josiah is so rad because he totally rips that crap down, things that had been up since the first king after solomon (that's a lotta years). we should be serious about removing sin entirely from our lives. this is not, however, the point of the book of kings, its just a cute sunday school lesson
3) the kings that aline themselves with the prophets, who act as G-d's word, are good
4) as the king goes, so goes the people.
a. who is my king?
b. in what way does he go?

well, a: jesus, and b: perfect

kings in cool. i should post my outline on here, not that it's great, but it was fun to do

Saturday, October 6, 2007

owned!

i've been super busy with homework this past week, this weekend will be even harder, the next week will be tough, but after that, it'll get a lot better. i'm working on a kings outline (meaning, i'm outlining the books of 1st and 2nd kings, they're in the bible, sucka!), and it's a ton of work, but i feel like i'm learning a lot. i've never done an outline in my life, so this is good for me. kinda like the 1st time you go jogging in months, you know it's good for you, but it kicks your butt. kings kicks my butt. yeah, i think i'm funny, it's true.

i need to stop spending money on coffee and food. that's dumb.

i bought a copy of the Koran, and a book about "sufism", because i know nothing about islam, and that's kind of a big deal. nine bucks! powell's is super.

it's been a pretty rad week of hanging out and getting to know different people. i feel like i like this school better than last year. classes are starting to get the best of me, and i just need to do my work, but it's been good as far as community goes.

my roommate is super rad. other than chaz, i've never liked living with anyone as much as i like rooming with scott. at i don't think scott is going to move out after a month (it's been longer than that already and if so, i don't have to pay extra for my own room).


peace.
be still.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

sometimes i wish i wouldn't write things so late at night.

today at school was our day of outreach. i went to a christian high school and picked up rocks and weeds. it was interesting.

reasons why i am a bastard

(one am, didn't proof read, sorry!)


i have an amazing group of friends. i do, i have some of the greatest friends in the world. generally i hang out with about the same 5 or 6 guys, bryn, chaz, javier, grant, andrew, sometimes josiah, but this really has nothing to do with him, he's solid as a true thug for christ. i think that in some ways i'm a bit of a leader of "the group". i have influence on my friends (they have influence on me for sure, but for the point of my story, this is ME time). i feel like i've been the first to do a lot of dumb stuff in the group, making things that shouldn't really be okay, just fine and normal. i was the first to smoke, and i swore this was okay! then came cussing, it's not that big of a deal, i mean, shit, it's just words calm down. lets see, south park, i know grant dug this show, but i got us all watching it a lot. this one seems odd, but when you watch multiple episodes aday you will understand the effect it has on you. i was one of the first to be pretty immoral with a girlfriend in a physical sense, but i hid this on up well, and for a long time. now, i can see how i got my friends into a lot of these things. it wasn't anything sinister on my part, but it was just me living and doing what i wanted and being close to these guys, a lot of us got in to at least some of these things. i wonder if i had taken a strong stand on all these issues, if my brothers would be better off for it. instead of watching south park, what if i had hated sin, like josiah told me to, instead of drinking with chaz and grant, even just a few beers, in the apartment this summer, i'd run and encouraged them to do the same? i could have a lot of what if's at this point in my story, but here's the kicker of the whole sha-bang: i have, you have, influence over people. i could have gone about the from the other end, titled it "reasons why i am awesome" and talked about the times i've taken moral stances, been encouraging, taught others to flee sin, shown love, whatever, becauce i've done this all well and it's been good for me as well as for others, but i think the weight of our sin needs to be understood. sin equals death, the bible tells me so. so, think about how your life is seen by all. most people know or have an idea of your beliefs, so if you want to fuck around, get new beliefs. no not really, just don't fuck around.

us guys are rad. we all love G-d. we all want his will to be done. we all come before him. i love my friends. i hope they don't mind me making an open example of them like this (no one really reads this anyhow). but how much further could we be if we'd never gone into whatever sins. i'm not responsible for anyone's life but my own ( i don't think, i could be wrong.), but i can use my life and my influence for Christ or Satan. two choices.

man, i should have never called darkness light. oops!

i think it's very important to be open about you life, and your sin even. believers need to be real with one another. the master we serve knows us entirely, all will be made plain. if we're open now, we can be changed. it's a sweet deal.

in the book of samuel, Saul sins. David sins. However, G-d seems to reject saul because he defends his sin when confronted, david repents. G-d tells david that Christ himself will come from his line. saul and his family die.

shitfaced

a few nights ago i was on facebook looking an a friends recently posted photo album. it was pretty much just pictures of this person and their friends drinking. tonight i talked with a friend about our experiences with alcohol. yesterday i talked to andrew about when i turn 21. i've been drunk before, like totally gone, vomit on myself shitfaced (opps). i can't express how this all saddens me. believers, myself being one of them, pursuing things like alcohol and desires of the flesh over G-d's ways. what bastards we all are. i hate that there have been times i've been okay with this. i wish my friends would harshly rebuke me for these things, and that we'd rebuke eachother for our lies, but generally we don't want to offend, so we let one another slip into our drunken nights and out of life. i'm reading kings. solomon's heart is turned from G-d. it didn't happen in a day. it was slow i'd guess. he had many wives, and he turned to their gods, and his "heart was not wholly devoted to the Lord", and he lost his kingdom.

someone make us afraid of what we've become.