sorry ya'll, another entry about trying to be like jesus

i wonder if will we feel foolish for not showing love to those around us when this is all over. i'm starting to learn that i should love people and accept them no matter what. i don't need to find out if they believe the right things, or live the right way, or do this or act like that or any such thing! when i look at jesus, i don't see a man who is constantly deciding if people are good enough, or have right ideas and live them out, NO! i see a man who shows people love, and embraces them regardless. i'm bad at interact with people i don't know. i need to learn how to do this because jesus did this. i find my self judging people, and afraid of them at the same time. what if i just embraced them for who they are, and if they don't like me, then that isn't my problem, i've done my part, and my part is all i can do. when i look at jesus, i see a man who isn't concerned very much about peoples beliefs, but just hangs with them. he lived correctly, and i think that when people saw him both living correctly and also loving people fully, then the people (these are the same people i often reject) who aren't living right, or have wacky idea's that aren't in line with the bible, want to change and to be like christ because they see that this works. they see jesus being real, and living real because jesus lived the way he was made to live. people want this. i think that every single person deep deep down wants the truth more than they want anything (equalled to wanting to be loved). even the people who spend their who lives screaming the exact opposite of everything i believe, deep down want truth just as much i want truth. it is easy to cover this desire with pride or shame or whatever, but i want truth, we all do. i have a good friend who got really drunk and he told me that "jesus is the truth". even when you are shitfaced, you still want this. jesus is the truth, he embodied it, and i want that. i want so badly to be like him. i hate that i'm not. i hate it so much i'm willing to let go of all the crass in my life that isn't of him. we fail at this, we fuck up and fall, but really, we all of this desire to be in the truth; in the warm embrace of the Fathers love and his right (and righteous)ways. holding onto things that are lies, which we do, i do, gets old real fast when you get close to the truth of Christ. i want to share this with people. i do not want to use words. i'm so damn tired of seeing Christians giving homeless people food and a gospel message (even more so when it is only the message. don't you know that the food is the real message of christ!?! it is. "faith without deeds is dead". faith isn't simply saying the right words, it is loving actions. i want to live like christ, and have people see the gospel through my life, not my words. words are easy. it write them here all the time, and it takes little to no effort at all. but living for something as perfect and holy as christ is hard, but it is my deepest desire. G-d said he'd give me my deepest desire and this is it: to be like jesus. there is nothing else. just love, just truth.

i wish i could just push a button, like some in an old movie that is big and red and has a clear cover over that you have to lift before you can push it so you don't accidentally press it, and i'd push this button and rid my life of everything that isn't of christ. but i can't, and what is worse, i don't always know what is right and what is not. however!, i do know more than i live. what i mean by this is that i know what i should do more that what i do, so i figure if i just do what's right when i know i should, that'll be more than enough for me to work on for now.

summary: love G-d, love people, let go of yourself and do everything you can do to be like christ. you do this by loving G-d, loving people and letting go of yourself.

blessings and peace be with you.