i was right, i did get depressed. its like, i've believed a lie and now i've come to realized how that lie has robbed me. i hate it! i hate myself for believing it. i, for a brief moment, saw how damning that lie is, and how the beauty of the truth. yet i keep choosing the lie. not aways and not even often, but its still in my life and i can't stand it. i dont understand why i can't just put that lie to death. it pisses me off and makes me unbearably sad. it isn't knowing how bad the lie is that hurts most, its knowing how good the truth is that causes me the most pain. it is hard to believe that G-d is making me better, that he is really taking all unrighteousness out of me. i'd like to think i'm submitting to him, but then there are those moments that i buy into this bullshit lie that just drive me mad. i wish i could sleep, then i wouldn't have to think about such things.
rejoice.
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