there's mistakes I've made no rowing could outrun

i've been thinking a lot about my past mistakes lately. it isn't an easy thing to understand the weight of sin. i don't claim i can fully know this, but i feel it. you know that verse where paul talks about how everything of his life before he knew Christ he considers to be worthless, that's how i'm feeling these days. for the first time in my life i think i truely regret my sin. i used to have this feeling that i'd missed out that i'd never done this sin or that sin (tho, i'd never have called it such!), but now, i only feel this horrible feeling of remorse because of things i've done. i see the worthlessness of the flesh. because of the grace of G-d, i've changed (with surprising success, due only to, again, G-d's grace). i still don't think that is enough. i feel unworthy to say the least. changing now is too late, being good now doesn't change my past, or the things i've done or the hate that once consumed my heart, and thus, my actions. it isn't any one sin either, it is not like i regret lust, but not bitterness, it is everything not of truth!

i consider everything in my life, present and past alike, worthless if it is not of Christ.

this is changing me. i can't but feel horrible about things in my past. i also know there is grace, but my gosh, i'd rather have just stayed pure and kept from sin altogether rather than choosing wrong. it's challenging to me to understand this, it makes me want to search my life and getting anything that isn't right outta my life.

i'm finding sunday-school truths to be the greatest:
when you sin, G-d still loves you, but it makes him very sad.