a and b, not me not me!

today i read (part of) the bible. it was nice. i cannot express how much i need G-d. it kills me. i'd like to just be alone for a week or maybe more and just read the bible, pray, and reflect. this place is such a mess. everyone is taking sides and yelling at each other and there is no unity in christ, and it don't like that none. i feel like i have some vague idea of how the church should be, which is so wonderful, and then i see how we are, and we're so fucked up. since jesus told me that we should a) love G-d, and b) love each other, shouldn't that apply to how the church is to be? i mean, the church is made up of people who follow christ, and christ said this to those who follow him, so i feel that that statement should be our "mission" as a church". he says nothing about our comforts, or big buildings, or anything to do with ourselves, just love G-d and love others. we have failed at this. i have failed at this. and you have failed at this. it kills me. this, more than anything, makes me sad and turns me into an emo-kid. i pretty much just still around and listen to music and think about how hopeless the church seems to be and i feel worse and worse. i have no faith at all. i need to realize that G-d is in control and his will shall be done! its just hard for me to see people (self included) running around saying their deeds are that of Christ, yet every action acted is so damn far from anything good. it kills me.

so, pray for the church, and that G-d would keep working on you (and me!) and that we'd be the bride we need to be.

and rejoice!

(no proof reading was done in the making of this post)