goings on of late

last night i was chill'n with chaz, javier and aaron. we walked around downtown and went to the park where they was a'having the beat festival. i was greatly saddened to learn that when they say "beat", they don't mean like kerouac and burroughs and such, but like crappy latin muic and musical beats (sink to the beat). anyhow, they had fireworks and chaz and i decided to get on the roof of the ike box to watch. andrew/raeanna and billy and elliot also came up. it was real fun watching the explosions in the sky over downtown from a high-ish building. for the grand finish, chaz and i acted like we were making out, except i was trying to kiss his next, but i was laughing so i wasn't doing a very good job and now i'm all worried that chaz thinks i'm a bad kisser. oh well. he moved out of our apartment yesterday and that made me sad because i can't think of anyone (well, any dude anyway) that'd i'd rather live with. javier moved in, which is pretty sweet. we have an odd friendship, but i like him, and his very peculiar ways, a great deal. it's been such an odd summer so far, so different from years past. i guess i'm just growing up and such. it's strange hardly ever seeing my parents, and never together. my brother, dylan, comes home for two weeks in one week. that'll be really nice, i haven't seen him in about 7 months, and i've missed him a lot. he's a great fellow.

um, i cleaned the whole apartment today and i feel very accomplished. i'm trying to read thru the whole new testament in a month, and so far, i'm behind my schedule, but it's like drinking water first thing in the morning, you can just feel it taking effect on your body and i love it. i'm trying to be, how can i say this tactfully, less of an asshole. lately i've felt so irritated by people, such bitter feelings, feeling so wronged over the smallest things, never forgiving, just annoyed i guess. this isn't christlike, and therefore, i want none of this. i watched an interview with aaron weiss (which is at the bottom) that really challenged me to forgive all things, no matter what, and i've felt much more at peace about things, about people, since then. i went a long time without really challenging myself to be better, more like my greatest love, and i just eroded real fast, which just helps reassure my desperate need for a saviour, for someone other than myself to forgive and change me. so, i'm trying to submit myself to G-d's will and not think about my own wants or desire or fucking rights, but what he wants, and whats better for the good of the kingdom. me being an asshole is doing no good for G-ds kingdom, i don't think. for such a long time i've thought how myself, and whats in my best interest and such and such, when what i should be asking myself is thing: "what is best for G-d, and his kingdom", the whole love G-d and love others deal.

rejoice!





(lucas is the anti-proof-reader)