don't know what to do with you

i keep thinking about who jesus is. so much of the time i make him into me, or what i think he should be. i mean, come on! jesus is so damn awkward, and none of us know what to do with him really. he says such strange things, i don't know how to react. there are times when i read the bible and i just kinda wish that that part wasn't in there. i wonder how much do i want the truth of christ over my wants. it's stange game of having to very strong and very distinct desires, one being selfish and of the flesh, and the other being christ in me, and that small part of me that is made in G-d's image that wants only good. these guys fight like none other. sometimes i wish it was easy and that jesus was who i made him out to be, but then i know that is no good at all and that desire is as brief as a vapor, jesus being jesus is much better than anything else, and i think if people really looked into who they are meant to be, looking past pride and sin and such and such, we'd all want jesus to be himself. there are days when i don't believe this at all (see d.w.'s "mockingbird").
bryn and i were talking about trying to live simply because we both feel that jesus wants this of us, and we listed a bunch of things we do, and what we have and what is and what isn't okay, and i think we realized that jesus wouldn't have us knit-pick our lives, but if we are living in the spirit of love and humility, or just simply G-d's spirit and it's fruit, we would be just fine, not indulging our selfish desires of worthless and false things, but living in G-d's spirit is very hard. no wonder the jewish leaders of Christ's day had turned the bit of law G-d gave them into hundreds more laws because laws are easier and more tangible than, say, spirit fruit. last night as i was in bed, i was thinking about how it's seems to be a good test of if a person is genuine in their convictions if they have a lot of wealth. i look at people, such as the author of "your best life now", who calm the name of Christ, but use than name to pursue money, mammon, which jesus said you cannot do. anyhow, i was in bed and i just thought about how free we are made from all this madness, this wealth, this chasing after money. it made me very happy to know that i don't have to deal with all that, if i my shoes have holes in them for the rest of my life then that's just fine, i am still loved and that's what matters.

i decided that i really like my .rejoice. tattoo.