holy fish

last night i was in bed reading kerouac's big sur and he ate a fish without really thinking about it and then realized that just a few moments ago (it had been caught out of a stream by a friend) that it was free and happy and swimming thru the water and he felt horrible for eating the holy fish and he remembered his cat that had died a few weeks ago and how he had forgotten his ways of being at peace with all things. i felt bad for eating chicken strips earlier that night and i don't want to eat (or kill) any living creature any more. today at lunch i got a burger without even thinking about it, but remembered when i sat down how great the evil i was about to commit was, so i just had some other food. this feeling won't last i'm sure, it's too hard to not eat meat and i'm too picky a eater to eat veggies and such, but it's an interesting feeling while it lasts.

no matter what, i am not okay with veal.