-i am an engine and i'm rolling on, thru endless revisions to say what i mean-

sometimes i want very badly to express what i am feeling. which is strange in a way, i think i can use words well enough to tell people what i mean, but i think it goes deeper than that, like i want to create something to communicate the emotions that i feel. i wish i could write songs. the quote at the top of all this is a neutral milk hotel song, and they communicate feeling better than any one i've ever heard, yet i can hardly figure out what the words of most songs are about and mean, and that's what i wish i could do, make art like that. i don't really even try, but it is a thought i've had.

i just started my third year at bible college. i'm excited for it. it's going to be unlike any other year i've lived yet.

i keep seeing people become more and more self absorbed, and it terrifies me. like people i dearly love too. i wouldn't think i was any stronger than that. i think it hurts a lot of people. i want to be in, and stay in, a place where i can hold on to nothing but christ and be okay with that.

G-d of peace, we want you.